There was nothing left to do

But to simply admit that she loved him

lying awake night after night

She tried it all

Until she realized that there was nothing left to do

But to admit to herself that she was in love with him

And that kind of love is not something that she could simply erase from her heart

Like other events that have faded with time

She lied to herself

She assured herself that that too was going to  pass

She told herself that she was simply infatuated

She tried to hide her feelings from him and everyone else

She tried unsuccessfully to be nonchalant

But time and again she unintentionally gave herself away

She knew her eyes gave her away

That is why she could not look into his eyes

She was frustrated time and again when her actions give her away

When instead of doing what she carefully rehearsed privately

She found herself reacting to the emotions

Which overwhelmed her every time she saw him

She could stare at him for eternity

But circumstances would not permit her to

Life had put such huge barriers between them

She constantly asked God “why him?”

Why specifically him?

If there was so much in the way

So much that stood between them

So many walls blocking the way

Why him?

Why did he have to be the one?

She had shut herself out to protect herself from the pain

He was the only person that mattered to her

He was the one person she could not bear not to see

He was  the only one she wanted to wake up next to every morning

He was the one that she loved

But it seemed that God has made it such that it could not be

Oh Lord

Why show her love if she cannot have it

Why shower her with affection

Why show her what real love feels like

And then let it slip right through her fingers

Why bring love so close

Yet not allow her to have it

Why such cruelty oh Lord

Why so much torture

Copyright©matildembulo. All rights reserved

Read the Kanzas on:

Copyright©matildembulo. All rights reserved

Matilde Mbulo


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